The original fidget toy that isn't made of plastic
can I remember to let it be enough?
Over the past few years as I've been learning more about neurodivergence I've been embracing my own neurospicy-ness. I’ve been giving myself more grace and also finding ways to accommodate myself at home & work (same place, different focuses).
I let myself indulge in buying some fidget toys a while back because why not, there's no shame and it's nice to have something to play with when I'm on the couch or at my desk.
After having them for a while now I realize I rarely use them. They sit around and collect dust even though they are right there next to me - bright and shiny.
Yet, what I do realize that I use constantly, and have sense I was young, is my own body.
I've always been a hair twirler, a hand fiddler, a texture feeler.
My own body is a physically grounding tactile tool that's always there for me and not something I have to buy from a mass produced line of plastic, pick up or remember to grab.
Before I go further, I want to be clear that I'm not shaming the use of fidget toys at all - maybe for others they work much better than what you have on your person already. But for me I realized the beauty of coming back to the basics.
I do this thing that I've always felt a little weird about which is holding the ends of my hair near my ear and listening to the textural sound it makes as I move my fingernail over it.
It's honestly one of the most soothing things for me, and it's always accessible.
I literally screamed when I saw Aubrey Plaza do this on an ASMR video… I’m not alone!!!
I used to do this in elementary school all the time until I got made fun of for it. It wasn’t “cool” to be constantly fidgeting.
In later years of middle & high school I would doodle so much in school was because it was a “socially acceptable” replacement for fidgeting .
(Yet it was still uncool bc I was doodling emo song lyrics and sketching designs for Iconator graphics - that’s where it truly began y’all 😂)
Now I realize that I don’t need to be ashamed of my favorite fidget toy - because what’s embodied is enough.
What soothes my nervous system is sacred.
It's the soft grass that's attached to my head just like my skin is the smooth sand or soil.
I play with the sand instinctively when I'm on the beach and I run my fingers alongside plants of grass when I'm laying in it, but when that's not accessible and I'm indoors or in a crowded place, my own body's elements are never far.
I can run my finger over my others and feel the grooves of my fingerprints or tree rings.
I can smooth my hands over my thighs and feel the grounding surface like a solid rock.
I love that when I’m able to slow down enough to remember, I'm already more resourced than I realize.
This is exactly why I'm creating the Embodied Ecosystems Tar-Oracle Deck!! No, not to force you to do what me & Aubrey do with our hair… but to help us remember our inherent resources and sensorial tools that are never far.
We are made of so much and everything on Earth is made of what we are made of… yet we are taught to reach so far outside ourselves for support.
And again, there’s nothing wrong with that - we need support from other tools and people and places.
But I want us to first have the foundations to remember the resilience and resourcefulness of our own inherent elements.
Monday, I am announcing the official launch date for Embodied Ecosystems. More details & visuals will follow. :)
Stay tuned and get on the official waitlist here to make sure you get reminded!
xoxo,
Rae Amber
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