Orbiting around decisions
taking back the choices capitalism wants me to outsource.
every. damn. day. it takes me time to remember…
that abundant support, advice, knowledge, options, and information exist allll around us
but the decisions and discernment for what we each truly need exists only within.
like, i can watch a hundred youtube videos to try and decide if and how to break up with social media (meta specifically), get many valuable perspectives and experiences…
but clarity of if i truly want to can only come when i sit down and breathe, and reflect or write about what would be the best for my situation.
can i just moderate or do i need to cut the cord?
i used to complain about being indecisive, i still do internally sometimes… i want to offload my decisions to somewhere else because they make me feel overwhelmed,
but handing off that privilege instead of holding space for it has only led me into unaligned situations in the past.
when i pause and embrace choice through slowing down and reflecting, it all becomes clearer again
and i feel reinvigorated like the sun shining through again after a thunderstorm of content.
it’s like i’ve been unconsciously circling around the answers, trying to find them through youtube videos and podcasts… until i remember to return to my own center of choice.
and yet, i have to give myself more credit -
i’ve gotten SO much better at catching myself when i’ve gone into external information & opinion overload to the point it blocks my own intuition and desires.
the time spent spiraling around my autonomy is lessening, and the trusting and embracing my privilege of choice is becoming slowly becoming the norm as it should be.
the oppressive systems that keep us tied to clocks rather than the pace of our own bodies get further fueled when we stay in the spiral rather than returning back to our own center & cycles.
it feels like everything is designed to keep us there - in orbit around our own personal earth-body
(which happens to be the only place from which we can currently participate in the communal and collective of earth.)
(i’m done being told that this is selfish - it is ESSENTIAL to participating in the whole).
but the real ones always invite you back into yourself, your choice, your role…
real friends, lovers, teachers, coaches, healers support and guide you, not overpower or shame you.
the real ones hold space for you
by asking more questions before any indefinite answers
by redirecting grasps for instant-gratification into caring reflection
by leaving room to breathe and rest instead of needing to fill it all in
by not bypassing your individual needs within the collective
and sadly in a world where we’re all conditioned to grasp and seek and hand over our choices, it’s impossible for us all to hold this space for each other always.
those of us who are lucky have loved ones and community who can be there at times.
some are able to hire therapists and practioners, coaches and healers to be that reflection for us.
many of us turn to a trusted journal that is as consistent at holding space as the trees they came from (hopefully through sustainable forestry if they’re like the ones I make).
we all have support in the spirit realm whether we connect or believe or not.
and all of it points back to you - your experience, your body, your needs.
i have to stop myself now from making this way too long by going into how the “you” is not egotistical or singular. (let me know if you want me to get all micro-macro in another share bc i would love to lol)
you are a culmination of what you’ve inherited through direct and past relations and environments, combined with your own unique traits and choices. and you are also so much more than that.
the “you” is never separate from the whole; it's really an inclusion.
you are simply a center, a facet / experience of the center.
you are a very valuable perspective and existence yet also one with open/empty spaciousness:
you hold the potential for both the verb and noun version of "center".
although not separate, the spark of you cannot be replicated or AI-generated.
an integral part of the whole.
I want to note that there’s quite a difference from knowing this and embodying this - speaking for myself, too.
Everyday is a practice of remembering my center of choice.
I’ve been improving this for myself as well as developing supportive systems for the ongoing process of being a more-present human in a world of colonial-capitalism.
Cycles Journal is one example of this work,
and i’ve recently expanded the frameworks and some deeper practices into a self-paced course called Cyclical Mindfulness.
When you buy it now you get access to our first ever practice circle with me in July - since I feel community is an essential aspect of this work as well.
I hope to see you there so we can more easily find center in change together.
xoxo,
Gratefully Connected,
Rachael Amber (they) of Cyclical Roots
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