Not healed, but Here.
Some thoughts, shares & celebrations on my mental health journey so far.
It's mental health awareness month and the other day I decided to stop going to therapy...
I'm celebrating that this is the first time I am taking a break by CHOICE & satisfaction.
I'm sharing this because we need more stories of hope.
For the first time in years I feel whole enough, resourced enough and okay enough... and I'm not even "healed"; I'm just here.
I can't seem to separate my mental health from my menstrual, spiritual and physical wellness - but there is a story I want to tell that is part of why I feel so much more myself these days.
I get sort of flustered when the topic of mental health comes up - it used to be because of shame and fear, but now it's because it's the very thing that led me here.
I don't think I would make art the same way if it weren't the medium through which I make sense of all the unstable and unseen things in my head & in the world.
I don't think I would've made Cycles Journal if I hadn't been so tired of feeling out of control and projecting my own self-hatred on those I was trying to love.
I don't think I would've learned to accept more of myself if it weren't for all the journaling I've done, which helped me separate who I am from what is an experience of suffering.
I don't think mental wellness means you've got it all figured out - I think it means you’re open to awareness.
And looking back, as I just finished my final therapy session until I'm ready again, it's been a journey of reflection, support & acceptance.
I am not healed, but I am now better-equipped to continue healing and really just being.
There are so many hot words, options, opinions, and stigmas surrounding this topic. I want to validate them all yet rip them all apart and say that nothing is more important than knowing you are worthy of support. And it's fucked that we live in a world where that's not easy to get or want for so many of us.
So I guess I'm writing this to say, don't give up - there is something out there for everyone, and I hope my story can encourage you that the right resources, therapists, tools & practices are out there - it just takes reflecting & finding.
Throughout all the layers and lanes of the journey of true, wholistic healing... may you remember that YOU are the center and the catalyst for choice, receiving & releasing.
I used to think this meant doing it alone, but now I know it's about knowing that support is something you have to say yes to, and that we all inherently deserve.
I'm writing this because when you find what helps, it's worth it.
If I've learned anything from years of mental wellness endeavoring, experimenting, and resourcing it's...
You deserve Support. (in all forms - spirit, self & others)
Enough exists but is not determined by your efforts.
Medication is not a crutch nor a fix-all. (it’s all highly individual, and there are both traditional and modern ways that can be helpful, especially together.)
Mental health is multi-faceted and should not be separated from your physical, hormonal, spiritual and relational health - but it does deserve a specific focus.
In the realm of health, there is no simple or single solution - what helps is often a unique combination. & it takes trust, experimentation and patience to find.
"Healed" does not exist. "Here" does, and it's enough.
I consult my inner self & spirit help as much as I consult my doctors and research records. Being of spirit & matter, ALL forms of science are essential.
Your biological needs are non-negotiable and deserve a place to be heard and seen. Having a space to keep track and reflect on it's messages is pivotal.
Doctors can gaslight us, but we can also gaslight ourselves. Systems teach stigma that affects all of us. Check & reflect with care & with others you trust. Your biological needs are VALID.
Mental health awareness is a movement; fluid, ever-changing, yet rooted in a history that continues and changes with every choice you make. No pressure, just potential. 🫶
I’d love to hear what you’ve learned or what supports you on your mental health journey? Feel free to share in the comments below if you’d like. <3
Gratefully Connected,
Rachael Amber (they) of Cyclical Roots
Fluid & Rooted is a free space where I share my poetry, writings, drawings & more in hopes of offering you connection and inspiration. You can subscribe for free to receive notice of new shares. Supporting donations are optional but always appreciated and will be rewarded with shop discounts & more.
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Cycles Journal (now 50% off): a devotional space to self-awareness through personal & lunar cycle tracking.
Undated Cyclical Notebooks: some tracking features in an open space for release.
The Cyclical Mindfulness Guide & Workbook: support in finding center in times of change.
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